Win/Win not Lose/Lose

I was waiting for a society that would wrap its arms around young black men; one that would embrace their uniqueness and offer support.

After seeing countless shootings I prayed for men that would turn around and give back and invest time, energy and resources into young black men in order to change this seemingly inevitable outcome.

I cant wait any longer. I’ve sat still feeling helpless. But I give up. With the knowledge I acquire and the connections I am blessed to make, I will share with young black men FREELY. It’s a WIN/WIN. I benefit from seeing a young black man become successful. They benefit by being able to change their lives and families. In our culture everything seems to be a competition. Other cultures don’t carry themselves that way with their men, why should we?

A win/win outcome is when both involved parties win. A lose/lose outcome is when a choice leads to no net gain. You know how a lose/lose situation is played out every single day? When a mature black man doesn’t invest in a young black man when he doesn’t seem to benefit from it.


You won’t lose your jobs when you freely give knowledge and wisdom to a young black man. You won’t be at a disadvantage if you pour your energy and resources into our young black men. It’s time for you to change your definition of a lose/lose scenario into a win/win. Our lives, our families, and our communities are depending on you.



Character simply put is who you are when you can’t help it.


Who are you when you can’t help it? You’re driving and someone lays on their horn because you weren’t paying attention while waiting for a green light..and you respond by STICKING YOUR MIDDLE FINGER OUT THE WINDOW!

A reaction like that can most times be a reflection of who you’ve been in private (definition of integrity).  It’s what your natural inclination is to RANDOM situations! Is it an inclination to flip the bird, or is it an inclination to stay calm and in control of your actions?

Joseph is the perfect example of character. Check this out…

His brothers, THREW HIM INTO A PIT TO DIE. And one day just show up at his job. Years after that fiasco of being thrown into the pit, Joseph (having been framed by Potiphar’s wife for sexual assault and after having been in a dungeon a couple times) eventually becomes second in command to only Potiphar. This guy is in command and in control of the nation (WOW by the way, won’t He do it? lol).

A famine hits the land that Joseph foresaw and has saved up enough resources during the 7 years of plenty. Out of nowhere his brothers show up asking for food. What are the odds??? Joseph recognizes them before they recognize him (I always recognize the people that did me wrong first, it’s a normal, and turns and begins to weep. I’m thinking he’s sad about what happened and it brings him to tears; and then those tears will turn to rage and HE WILL GET REVENGE! Nope. This dude (after testing them a little), says hey it’s me your brother, I love you guys, how’s dad? That BLEW ME AWAY! After all of that crap you’d been through your entire life BECAUSE OF THEM, your first response was to show forgiveness and love on them?? That’s POWERFUL!!! Who are YOU going to be when you can’t help it?

I listened to a few messages from Andy Stanley called Character under Construction, given to me by one of my best friends. After hearing those messages I was prompted to ask God to help me work on my character. I advise you to do the same.  Be careful! God will answer that prayer! Another way to work on your character is to watch what you’re feeding yourself in private. In my book The middle man, I mention one example: If you’ve been watching porn on a regular basis and an opportunity for sex comes up, nine times out of ten you’ll take it. Why? We are wired as human beings (especially as men, we are typically creatures of habit) to go with the inclination we’ve taught ourselves is the acceptable response.

​No situation is bigger than God. 

First of all…I struggle with depression. (bi-polar/manic depression to be exact). In learning to deal with it, (going through consistent therapy, maintaining healthy circumstances, staying in positive surroundings, consistently taking medication and consistent exercise), I’ve learned to manage decently in my opinion. Even learning the proper way to deal with it and executing it on a regular basis was difficult, but I feel I have a good handle on it now. With all that being said…..God had to teach me a lesson about it. And I’m kinda stubborn so it took a while.

Depression and hopelessness is partially, me thinking i don’t see a way out of my situation… And makes God out to be powerless. But to trust God in spite of hopelessness says to God you are bigger than man, you are bigger than my insurmountable situation. You are all powerful, not the situation. That was one of Josephs key strengths. A constant trust in God no matter what things looked like. Lets look at Josephs life in summation.
(starting in Genesis 37) Thrown into a pit by his brothers, taken to jail, thrown back in jail once he got out because Potiphars wife was messy (trying to get Joseph to sleep with her and he curved her and RAN, so she accused him of the unthinkable), he was forgotten about while in jail by a man that gave Joseph his word– he thought he would be the plug once he was promoted back to his position….

I really think that’s bad enough to have checked out A FEW times. But he never did. And eventually he was made second in command to only Potiphar himself. And on top of that, his wisdom and dream he got from God (his talent), was what saved the entire nation! A famine came that he accurately predicted because of the dream, and subsequently saved up enough grain and supplies that lasted through the 7 years of famine they experienced that would have wiped out the nation.
Each situation he had to be thinking, HOW AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS…THIS TIME. His will to fight doesn’t appear to have ever dwindled and his trust in God never waivered.
I sure hope I can play up to that level spiritually, and encourage other young men to do the same! This guy Joseph is the poster child for “trusting in God, even though everything looks impossible!” Remember GOD IS POWERFUL, NOT THE SITUATION.