Where you been?

I haven’t posted in a while. My fault! You know how we all (thanks to this microwave generation– have everything quick era) deal with things that concern our vanity? For me—- my vanity is my public perception/how people view me. Follow me while I illustrate something; During the year I won’t post my body on Instagram during the winter because it’s not ready (after years of being an athlete it’s something I’ve done without putting much thought to it). Every year I post the summer photos though after all that hard work to show what I did the entire winter leading up til the hot months. So all you see is the finished product. This protects my image, the way you view me and my confidence. I’ve been STRUGGLING. Since October nothing has gone my way. I had stress at my workplaces (I’ve worked in two different places since October looking for stability that caters more towards me instead of the other way around), and stress in my personal life. It’s been a year and couple months since the mental breakdown I had last January (happy anniversary to me.lol). Life has picked up speed (my responsibilities didn’t slow down because I was forced to take a timeout) and I stopped doing what made me successful. Going to church was key, (I was required to work every Sunday so that was dead), going to therapy is major (I just didn’t feel I had the time to make it with my long work hours) and finally I stopped working out (I was grinding and trying to pay bills so I would be exhausted when I got home and just went to sleep).

Eventually, I picked my exercise regimen back up started to do really well and then I had to get my wisdom teeth pulled. All four of my wisdom teeth started really hurting so I got them pulled at the same time. I was on an ice cream diet because that’s I wanted. I didn’t want to eat mashed potatoes, cold soup or apple sauce. So while I lay in bed on pain killers for a week my body began to deteriorate. Then After two weeks of being out of the gym, I began to try to bounce back. Would you believe I was also in a car accident a few weeks following the extraction of my wisdom teeth?? I was hit by a woman that wasn’t paying attention and texting on her phone and my car was TOTALED. I was in the hospital for e day, and was in some pain for weeks. I sat out of work for a week and used all the paid time off I had accrued. At this job, they operate on a point system. If you miss one day you’ve accrued 2 points. I was restricted from work for the first week and the second week I could only work a half day. so If I’m working five to six days and I miss half a day that’s 5-6 points and I already had 6 from the 5 months leading up to the accident. I had to sit down with management and they informed I couldn’t work half days and would be fired in a week with no grace If I missed half of work every day. So I put in my two weeks notice and went home. Then my car was “in the shop” from the accident and GEICO decided it was a total loss and left me without a vehicle. I went into my savings to pay for a rental car to get me to my last few days of work as well as to any job interviews I was scheduled for. That emptied my entire savings over the course of 3 weeks. Imagine how much I spent at Enterprise for 3 weeks with the going rate being $114 a day. OH, MY LORD. And this entire time, as things aren’t going my way, I’m not posting because I don’t have it all together yet. I completely stopped my conference calls I was hosting for people that deal with mental health disorders or support someone that deals with mental health disorders as well.

 

I’ve recently adopted a different perspective. I asked myself this question: Is the benefit IN the advice I’m able to give or does it lie within the process? The answer seems obvious, but in 2017, but au contraire. THE PROCESS is so much more helpful to onlookers and people presently struggling with the same thing. Who does it help if I’m perfect? I will admit, I got perspective because of people’s expectations of me as well this persona that is passed around the church community as well as the gym. Only show up when you’re perfect. How are you going to get better in either community if you only show up when you have it all together?

James 1:4 (NKJV) says:  4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. I had to remind myself that this is an ongoing process. So DURING the process let patience work in you, God is perfecting you. Give God praise DURING as well as at the finish line. If you are waiting until the finish line for God to be done perfecting you could be waiting for forever. 

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