When Fear controls you

*From a couple months ago*


Post auto-mobile accident, I found a new job (YAAAY right?). This job seems very promising and appears to have a lot of opportunity for growth. My previous jobs had no such thing. There’s one catch with this job though. Success relies HEAVILY on memorization of scripts. If you only understood what it was like in my mind when I realized this unfortunate truth. My first thought was “well you know we’re gonna have to quit or be forced out”. I have a fear of things that are strictly memorization. I’ve never shared this, but I quit acting although people thought I became quite good at it and found me to be very funny. But a lot of acting is memorizing lines and whole scripts. I wasn’t very good at that AT ALL. So I improvised. I began just summarizing what I thought was being communicated in the script and making it my own (genius right?). But the writers of theses scripts didn’t always like that. They wanted me to use the exact language in the scripts so I could get across their message the way they envisioned it. Completely understandable, but that didn’t necessarily work for me. After squeaking my way through one more production I quit and never pursued an illustrious career as an actor.

Fast forward a few years. I was breezing through my Kinesiology classes (I was an Exercise Science major) and posted the highest GPA I’ve ever attained in College and maybe once in high school. I got a 3.0! I took all Kinesiology classes that semester and was so prepared to move into a career as a strength and conditioning coach within the next two years. The last semester of my junior year though, I had nothing but upper-level classes scheduled. “Stats of pyschology= F, Advanced World politics, Advanced French, and a 300 level World Civilizations class (advanced history). I failed those extremely difficult classes and dropped and never returned for my senior year dealing with serious depression.

When I tell you this was something that has had a hold on me–like GRIPPING fear. This has been a bully I avoid AT ALL COSTS. Would you believe me if I told you I was born FEARLESS? But, when I was about five years old as well as at the age of twenty, I almost drowned TO DEATH….this is where the trauma came in and the root of the anxiety disorder I struggled with. The waves were insurmountable and washed over me both times and I could not save myself. At twenty I was so angry with myself for even trying to overcome this fear. Why would I even attempt to fight this bully, EVER?

Whoever this speaks to, don’t be defeated! God gave you the spirit of a SOUND MIND, not a faulty one. (2 Tim 1:7)

Let’s be practical and use my life as an example.

-I never figured out my learning style.

-I never got assistance in learning how to swim

Therefore I never overcame these two seemingly insurmountable obstacles.

There are practical opportunities to do better. I can learn how to swim (with someone I trust lol) and I can research to find out which learning style fits me best. Here’s one spiritual application. With the presence of fear, I’ve noticed an absence of FAITH. The Bible says in Hebrews 11:6 (Nkjv), “6 But without faith, it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.” In essence, not only do I displease God by replacing Him and giving reverence to a bully but I had no clue there was a reward I was also missing on the other side! How many more times will I replace God AND miss out on a reward? 

My last spiritual application is to condition your mind in preparation for this spiritual warfare (that’s what it really is). I meditate now on a 2 Tim 2:7,  For God, has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” This is a MAJOR KEY. God didn’t give you a SPIRIT of FEAR. It’s a SPIRIT you allowed the enemy to slip in for free. So remember this, God gave you a spirit of POWER, LOVE, and A SOUND MIND. Not a weak and feeble mind that is easily defeated. Remind yourself of Gods word. Build your faith. Faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God (Romans 10:17, Nkjv).

I also picked up a book by Dr. Caroline Leaf called, Switch On Your Brain: The Key to Peak Happiness, Thinking, and Health. I encourage anyone reading this and struggling with anything similar to grab this as well as your Holy word. You can do both at the same time. As Christians that seems to be something that needs to be stated. We can’t always just “pray it all away”. We have to put some action forward as well as educate ourselves.


Practical V. Spiritual 

So for any of you that saw Batman V. Superman, (which was a terrible movie, but we can debate that in the comment section if you’d like.lol) you saw the resentment Batman had for Superman as he destroyed buildings trying to defeat a super powered foe. To Superman there was no other way. Batman did things a lot more clean cut, and didn’t wreak havoc in the city. The movie comes to a head when the two vastly different styles clashed when they bumped into each other. 

Now; both hero’s did great things. But it didn’t matter to one another (and if they didn’t clash there wouldn’t have been a movie…honestly there still wasn’t a movie but hey—LOL). What if it wouldn’t have taken until the end of the movie for them to realize they could work together? They both brought GREAT things to the table. 

As a christian I have had to tackle mental health issues. Coming to a brick wall of a breakdown I finally had to call it like I saw it. Recovering took strategy; it required a spiritual component as well as a practical component. You wouldn’t know how life changing this was for me! In response to cries for help like “I’m dealing with depression”– I would hear “I rebuke it in the name of Jesus”, and you have to trust God, you don’t have anything to be depressed about”. I started to seek God for wisdom and God answered my unique prayer. 

For instance– dealing with depression. There can definitely be a “pray over it” and an “I rebuke it portion” to it but lets also address the fact that you can have a build up on toxins in your brain that you need a detox from.  

Dealing with anxiety– Praying over it is great! But You also have to get the trauma out!

It may require some tears, but it’s so necessary to heal and recover emotionally. 

A scripture I meditate on is Isaiah 26:3. It says You will keep him in perfect and constant peace, whose mind is stayed on you. When you’re dealing with anxiety you need peace! You want to be rest assured of a particular fear. Finding out the cause of the anxiety is also VERY helpful. Take me for instance. 2 times in my life I was sure I drowned and I’m sure God saved my life. The first at 5 years old (very traumatic) and the second at 21 (SO traumatic because I was reliving a childhood fear and as an adult I couldn’t save myself). Now, as an adult in therapy going over the trauma and bringing out tears I didn’t know was there it helped me see how this trauma has vastly affected different areas of my life. One of the most prevalent being facing large crowds. It can and has caused anxiety attacks. But having and understanding what I’m dealing with God has lead me to scriptures to meditate on– 2 Tim 1:7 being so effective (God has not given me a spirit of fear but a spirit of POWER, love, and a SOUND MIND)– and practical ways to address it in therapy. Its proven to be SO effective!!!!!!! 

Utilizing both Batman and Superman strengths yields amazing results! Combining both practical and spiritual principles are the keys to wholeness! Not one or the other. Go to church, pray, join a small group, yes. Also go to therapy; find a good christian therapist. You want victory in both areas? Have support in both areas.