Full Disclosure’s back!

I recently started doing my video series “Full disclosure”. I’ll be sitting down with individuals discussing mental health matters and our mental health journeys. This is something that im AFRAID of to be honest. But I have a story that I believe will help people. I’ve talked people off ledges that contemplated suicide, partly because I’d been there before myself but also because God put something in me to do this. Check out my video series! I’ve been considering doing one 10-20 min video or 4 or 5 2-3 min videos but im still in the tinkering phase so 🐻 with me. If you feel like any of the content I share could benefit a friend or a family member you please don’t hesitate to share! 😁

——SO..Full disclosure is back! And I’ll be hosting mental health meet ups again as well for those of you that are local (i will also be traveling to a few different cities to host them as well, if you’re interested just email me or respond here).

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A little bit of Courage 🔥

So, i rock climbed today! It was definitely a challenge and took a little bit of courage for me to attempt. Some years ago I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder—i almost drowned to death TWICE…..TAH-WIIICE (I’ll be touching on that more in my blog next week). So i have to be honest, I don’t try to many things that could possibly involve or cause anxiety. But today i was kicking anxiety’s butt. Im so thankful that through renewing my mind daily in God’s word and therapy I’ve been able to work to undo the effects those traumatic experiences have had on my brain! You gotta know I’m hype! #issabigdealforme God didnt give me a spirit of fear but He did give me a spirit of POWER, love and a sound mind. (2Tim 2:17) I can conquer anything 😎😁😁

Sometimes you gotta know when to walk away..Sometimes you stay and fight, choose wisely.

One of my biggest fears came to past. A coworker and myself were going back and forth making jokes about each other and I guess my joke was the funniest and I walked away because I knew I had a win under my belt. Being witty is a strength of mine although I know it frustrates some individuals. As I walked away and almost got out of earshot this coworker said “it’s his mental health. You know he has problems.” When I tell you anger surged through my body—my imagination went wild! I decided to walk away quickly when I realized my mind was starting to race.

A few weeks ago, high off obtaining my second mental health certification this year I decided to share and be transparent with my coworkers about mental health. It wasn’t in front of everyone, but it was in front of a few coworkers I felt I could trust with the information. I mentioned how important sensitivity can be when dealing with individuals that have mental health issues and shared a little bit about myself. That took extreme bravery for me. TO HAVE THAT INFORMATION USED AGAINST ME IN A MOMENT THAT MEANT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING….I’m speechless. You didn’t have a comeback and that’s what you came up with? I had to walk away. If I had openly confronted the person I would’ve flown off the handle. So guess where I went? The gym. I think knowing yourself means you know your strengths and weakness and you plan accordingly for both.

Plot twist: because I shared that day– this same coworker pulled me aside to talk about dealing with serious depression and ask me for tips in the future. SO, walking away might be the best thing in your interest and the other persons interest. I have no clue what this coworker could be going through. The benefit is that I went and got my swole on–I gotta be beach ready! 😁😁😁 Also, when you care about people you don’t want to hurt people just because they hurt you. It could’ve been unintentional on their part.

Where you been?

I haven’t posted in a while. My fault! You know how we all (thanks to this microwave generation– have everything quick era) deal with things that concern our vanity? For me—- my vanity is my public perception/how people view me. Follow me while I illustrate something; During the year I won’t post my body on Instagram during the winter because it’s not ready (after years of being an athlete it’s something I’ve done without putting much thought to it). Every year I post the summer photos though after all that hard work to show what I did the entire winter leading up til the hot months. So all you see is the finished product. This protects my image, the way you view me and my confidence. I’ve been STRUGGLING. Since October nothing has gone my way. I had stress at my workplaces (I’ve worked in two different places since October looking for stability that caters more towards me instead of the other way around), and stress in my personal life. It’s been a year and couple months since the mental breakdown I had last January (happy anniversary to me.lol). Life has picked up speed (my responsibilities didn’t slow down because I was forced to take a timeout) and I stopped doing what made me successful. Going to church was key, (I was required to work every Sunday so that was dead), going to therapy is major (I just didn’t feel I had the time to make it with my long work hours) and finally I stopped working out (I was grinding and trying to pay bills so I would be exhausted when I got home and just went to sleep).

Eventually, I picked my exercise regimen back up started to do really well and then I had to get my wisdom teeth pulled. All four of my wisdom teeth started really hurting so I got them pulled at the same time. I was on an ice cream diet because that’s I wanted. I didn’t want to eat mashed potatoes, cold soup or apple sauce. So while I lay in bed on pain killers for a week my body began to deteriorate. Then After two weeks of being out of the gym, I began to try to bounce back. Would you believe I was also in a car accident a few weeks following the extraction of my wisdom teeth?? I was hit by a woman that wasn’t paying attention and texting on her phone and my car was TOTALED. I was in the hospital for e day, and was in some pain for weeks. I sat out of work for a week and used all the paid time off I had accrued. At this job, they operate on a point system. If you miss one day you’ve accrued 2 points. I was restricted from work for the first week and the second week I could only work a half day. so If I’m working five to six days and I miss half a day that’s 5-6 points and I already had 6 from the 5 months leading up to the accident. I had to sit down with management and they informed I couldn’t work half days and would be fired in a week with no grace If I missed half of work every day. So I put in my two weeks notice and went home. Then my car was “in the shop” from the accident and GEICO decided it was a total loss and left me without a vehicle. I went into my savings to pay for a rental car to get me to my last few days of work as well as to any job interviews I was scheduled for. That emptied my entire savings over the course of 3 weeks. Imagine how much I spent at Enterprise for 3 weeks with the going rate being $114 a day. OH, MY LORD. And this entire time, as things aren’t going my way, I’m not posting because I don’t have it all together yet. I completely stopped my conference calls I was hosting for people that deal with mental health disorders or support someone that deals with mental health disorders as well.

 

I’ve recently adopted a different perspective. I asked myself this question: Is the benefit IN the advice I’m able to give or does it lie within the process? The answer seems obvious, but in 2017, but au contraire. THE PROCESS is so much more helpful to onlookers and people presently struggling with the same thing. Who does it help if I’m perfect? I will admit, I got perspective because of people’s expectations of me as well this persona that is passed around the church community as well as the gym. Only show up when you’re perfect. How are you going to get better in either community if you only show up when you have it all together?

James 1:4 (NKJV) says:  But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. I had to remind myself that this is an ongoing process. So DURING the process let patience work in you, God is perfecting you. Give God praise DURING as well as at the finish line. If you are waiting until the finish line for God to be done perfecting you could be waiting for forever. 

Full Disclosure

​Hey family I’ll be facilitating a conference calls regarding depression/anxiety/bipolar disorder and supporting family members/friends that suffer with these disorders. So you can better engage/support them. It can be for friends or family you know who haven’t yet submitted to treatment or who are in the treatment process. As well as people who may not be ready to go see someone yet and would like anonymous support without fear of being judged. In our community this topic is SO taboo. In my opinion people would rather share a physical disease that could result in death, than sharing about their mental health. As family and friends, we’ve often resulted to calling family members/friends crazy which cause them to retreat shut down and refuse help. Well…I’d like to champion this cause to the best of my ability by offering support.
I’ll repost about the time later. Im shooting for sunday night around 7pm

Dial in number 641-715-0700
Access code: 994682

Dear Black People

There is a verse that I’ve broken down on MANY occasions so people can properly understand it. It’s Philippians 4:13. Take a look starting with verse eleven:

“11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: 12 I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.  13I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

Read the whole book of Philippians to get even more context for this one, often misquoted verse. Paul is talking about being in distress and dealing with persecution! Not physical strength!

My People! We are being persecuted.

And that’s what this verse is for, not a display of physical strength! When we face a set of bleak circumstances like we see now, remember; I can be content and at peace on the inside even though hell is breaking loose on the outside. I can do these things through Christ’s strength.  Even though we see countless black men being executed on camera with no justice, I can get up, go to work, continue to protect and provide for my family, through Christ’s strength. Otherwise, I would never step foot out of my house in complete fear.

Finally, Consider it pure joy when you face adversity.

James 2 says: My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

Trials put your faith on trial, and every test of adversity tests your faith in God.
Im not saying don’t see this as racial injustice..because it is. But also consider this a trial and the testing of your faith.

We have faith in God in every area, (finances for sure) but will we put our faith in God in this area? In this area i really do have faith the size of a mustard seed! I can’t trust the justice system to do ANYTHING right. Freddie Gray, Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, Tamir rice, Trayvon Martin, Sandra Bland, dylan roof, brock turner, HILLARY CLINTON proves that! We have to stop putting our trust in man and trust God! Putting your trust in man will fail you every time!

Remember this: For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12). We keep looking to hold man accountable for their corrupt behavior, but ask yourself who is really behind it? Dont forget we have an adversary.